December 2010
23 posts
New Years Eve
Not going get drunk (I don’t drink amirite?).
Not going out to hang out with friends.
Not going to hang out with my non-existent boyfriend.
Just going to stay in, celebrate it in my mind — that I have just conquered another year in the calendar.
Light some candles, surf Reddit, and reminisce of the good and bad times.
Whilst being nerdy and wishing I was a God who encompasses all...
12-31-10
I remember dreaming about this girl I knew.
I remember how lonely I felt in that dream. But when I started to question, she reached out to me. She gave me a gift that my ex had given me but it was completely fragmented. She told me it’d look beautiful on me.
I could remember how much I’ve intended to talk to her. But being the feeble, shy person I was, I never had the courage. I...
See Thing. Click Thing
*sees Facebook page*
Oh my! This also applies to me too! *click like*
If only life was like that.
I went to my college today. Thought that my procrastination had paid its tolls on me since classes had been filled up already. Or at least I PLANNED to go. Because really, it won’t be open until after New Years. I’m screwed. I guess procrastination is being rough on me lately. This...
1 tag
Feelings to Neglect
I always found feelings to be a trivial minute thing.
What I’ve learned in my life is that those who truly thinks you’re worthy of their time stick by you and reach out to you. Those who are on the fence will only question about it but do not take action. So I may question: are they worth my time?
It is ironic and hypocritical in essence, since I do not reach out to people. Does that...
First Two Lines
Put your music library on shuffle and answer with the first two line(s) from each song.
The first thing you say when you wake up: “Talking away, I don’t know what I’m to say. I’ll say it anyway.” — ‘Take On Me’ by A-HA
The last thing you say before you go to sleep: “We’ll do it all; everything… on our own.” —...
I Would Rant
But I’m not going to. I’m seriously in a ranting mood, but really — there’s nothing wrong or even the slightest bit… “wrong”. So in actuality, I have nothing to rant about.
For the past two days, I’ve been raging and reading my past journals from way back when (see “Middle School”). It brought back pretty horrifying memories and my...
This Christmas
This Christmas, although uneventful, was probably one of the best. I didn’t expect anything out of today but it was pretty nice.
I had originally planned to sleep until 11:30 A.M. but Hunter god-forsaken chose to call me at 10:00 A.M. which screwed me over an hour and half of sleep because afterwards, I was wide awake. Yet, I was already lacking sleep with only 5.5 hours of sleep....
30 Days Challenge #6
6. Talk about a recent experience that has effected you greatly and how.
Abuse and Jail. All of that. Not that I was the one that was inflicting the abuse nor I was the one that had to go to jail.
But attempted murder is taken very seriously. It’s fucked up to try to kill someone and it’s pathetic when you get caught. The experience of running as fast as you can and trying to open a...
Obsessive Blogging?
Back in the Xanga day— before the AngelxWings and AncientWhisper ordeal — I used to blog incessantly. Of course, it was a bit private, but not too private and as time went by I continued the same. However, I’ve always had private accounts. I’ve always had other accounts in which I blogged about my extremely private life. I would lock those accounts from people — yet,...
1 tag
Creepy Guys
In the past two months I’ve had about three or four guys hitting on me. They’re creepy as hell. And at the start of college, something similar happened.
I used to get them every once in a while, but this is getting tiresome. I’m getting incredibly creeped out. I remember being very pissed when I was EXTREMELY busy while working and some weirdo teen asked for my number. I...
30 Days Challenge #4
4. What do you think it means to be in love?
Honestly, I don’t really like answering this question as love is subjective. Everyone views love differently. Hence, when one says s/he loves you, it may not be the same love by your definition.
Some people use love very freely towards their peers. Some people “spam” it by telling their friends that they “love” them....
Cleaning Your Desk
If you know me well, or vaguely even know me at all — you’ll know that although I’m a perfectionist, I’m very very messy. Yet, I am very anal about other people being unorganized. In a way, I am a neat-freak towards others but do not care about it if it’s my mess. I’m the only exception. I know, it’s selfish. I guess I’m fine with my trash but not...
Wishlist
I don’t like posting too much, but here’s a wishlist if you’re a super good buddy with great intentions and for some reason love me so much even though I may be an arrogant prick and not talk to you at all — you’d still like to give me a gift because my pure existence is just fucking beautiful.
…I’m just kidding. :D Ignore the first list because if...
30 Days Challenge #3
3. Where have you been spending your time lately? Three/Five/Ten years ago would you have expected to be there?
Well, other than the fact that I hadn’t really spent time with anyone in the past month, the only two people I’ve been spending time with is just Hunter and Jon. As for location, I’ve been static — I haven’t really moved. I’m still the same state,...
30 Days Challenge #2
2. Who are you? In comparison to who you used to be. What made you change?
That’s a good question, who am I? Since this is a completely honest reflection, I was always an envious, attention-seeking, and pretentious person as a child. Most of it ended during my Freshman year of High School where I realized that I wanted to be nice. I saw the people I used to bully after years of their...
Deep Thoughts/Reflections 30 Day Challenge
1. What happened today? If it was the last day of your life, how satisfied would you be with your final hours?
Well today, I went to work for a couple of hours. Came home, changed, went shopping for gift bags, wrapping papers, and my favorite eyeliner. I felt really odd (but that’s just me since I’ve been this way for almost a month). Drove like a maniac. Now, I’m planning to work on my...
Hard Work and Grudges
Today was my 20th day of work without a day off. This will continue onwards until Saturday which will be my first day off in 22 days.
In amidst of all of the work, I fell into a bit of a depression with the disappointments I’ve felt from people. A close friend just randomly decided to not check up on me nor reply to any of my friendly texts. Another friend requested months ago that we...
Art
Sometimes, art is the only thing that keeps me happy — sane that is.
If it weren’t for my ability to draw, I would most likely not have any self-esteem and therefore plunge further into the darkness in amidst of my depression.
I used to say that art is something I do to express myself and puts me in a good mood. Perhaps I unintentionally lied; art is something that allows me to feel...
Still Depressed
Everything just seems so wrong now.
I can only hope I’ll feel better.
There’s nothing worse than losing yourself to despair.
But I feel like I’ve lost myself already and this time, it feels like such a long way to go before I can find anyone — anyone at all.
And I can’t help but to feel so unwanted, useless, and looked down upon.
I have such extreme cases of...
I Hate Losing Sleep
Just let me rage here: I hate losing sleep.
I especially hate making plans with someone, waking up early tired as hell — and to find the person say, “Well then, go back to sleep.” No — why the hell did I wake up early in the first place? I woke up for you. I woke up so we can hang out together. Why didn’t you just decline my invitation yesterday and tell me that we...
Just The Way You Are
Dear Person-In-Front-Of-The-Bathroom-Mirror,
You’re beautiful just the way you are.
Dear Person-Who-Can’t-Fit-In,
You’re amazing just the way you are.
Dear Everyone,
You’re perfect just the way you are.
I’m here just to say that you’re beautiful, amazing, wonderful, and you’re worth every second of your life and existence. You don’t need the...
