synesthesia

Is so amazing. :3

So amazing, I haven’t even finished a billion of the games out there.

In other news, I just wrote another essay for my English class. Unfortunately, I’ve put my heart in it again.

Even if my professor doesn’t really put the heart in it to revise or read essays.

Goddammit.

Goddammit Cloud.

A reminiscent post.

I remember how one of my peers in High School did not believe I drew the pictures I drew. Well of course, up front he was nice and all. But what I heard from people is that he didn’t believe my artwork were real because my style was too inconsistent.

Do I even have a style in a first place?

Of course, I draw manga/anime/Japanese cartoon style because I grew up with it. I try to sway away from it, but maybe I enjoy it too much. Otherwise, I don’t really have an art style. The person who questioned about how legit my pieces were was somewhat of an artist himself. A rather proud one actually. But unlike him, I’ve never had any animosity towards other people who are better than me. Because really, I don’t see the point. We all work at different paces.

I have loads of other stuff in my mind right now, but I feel like no one really reads my tumblr anyhow. I mean, yes there are some of course. And I write mainly for myself — but some things are better left alone. If I were to say everything in my mind, I’d sound conceited or some sort; whatever biased presumption others have of me. But hey, what the hell —

I’m pretty sure that throughout the course of school in general, people had been iffy about me. Of course, not to sound conceited… (How can a pessimistic person like me be proud at all? ) Usually I’d get anxious when it comes to how others view me. Because I’ve ran across a couple of people who weren’t fond of me. They believed that because I am known for my artistic/web designing/ whatever abilities that I MUST be self-absorbing. That I MUST think I am more privileged by others.

And maybe sometimes I make people feel inferior. My positive comments about people’s work are often brushed aside with, “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” Whenever I hear a fellow artist say, “Seeing your artworks makes me feel like my art is crap.”

…You know, it honestly makes me feel terrible.

For whatever reason it is, some people take my artistic skill (AKA lack of social life) as an insult to their capabilities. How am I supposed to respond to that? That my artwork discourages another individual… It makes me sad as well. Not in the face-palming sense of sadness but rather actual sadness. Of course, despite so, I would continue encouraging them.

And then there are people who takes my abilities and turn them into a joke. To mock me of “Oh, she was born that way.” “Forget her, she doesn’t count.” type of insanity. Not that I mind it too much — but over the course of middle school and high school I’ve experienced a variety of odd responses. By no means am I complaining about it or saying that it was stressful. I just thought that some people were flat out rude even when I tried to show consideration.

Then of course, there are those who perceive my kindness as just being deceivingly humble. Sure, I cackle every now and then and break out in obscenely inappropriate jokes. And just because I don’t act that way towards you does not mean I’m being a two-faced person. I respect others, and my act of kindness is not because I want people to think that I’m saint.

Maybe it’s because maybe… I actually enjoy being nice to others?

There’s no need to worry since I treat my friends the same way too when I’m a serious mood. It’s only when I’m in a humorous mood where I’d go a bit crazy. But of course, because some people have the preconceived notion that I am egocentric, they believe I am fake to get on other people’s good side.

Either that, or they feel as if I view them as being inferior which is far from the truth.

But I have to say that my personality only makes things worse. I am socially awkward (at times), and I do not talk much. I can assume this only supports the whole assumption that I’m vain. *sigh* So I completely understand if people get this vibe from me.

I’ve had a close friend before who told me she thought that I was a conceited girl by first impressions. It was because of the layouts I made and the fact that I sounded like a wise-ass when I explained it. She then told me that she took it back as she came to know me better.

One of my other close friends thought I hated him all throughout middle school and was extremely artistically discouraged because of me. My abilities caused him to believe that he doesn’t have what it takes to make it into the art field so he quit early.

That’s just so depressing.

That’s why I don’t personally show my artwork to others often.

I don’t want to bring out the worse in others for those who are sensitive and are prone to compare themselves to others.

I also don’t want to put other people in the position that they must respond to my artwork. Hence, I do not personally show people my artwork because I do not want to force them to compliment me or acknowledge my work. Posting pictures on Facebook is much simpler and I prefer it since it doesn’t force everyone to respond to it.

On Facebook, only those that actually cares for it would respond — and I can filter out those who would only naturally respond just because they feel obligated to.

Because then I’d know that the responses in which I DO get are sincere and genuine. ♥

Ahh I guess you’re really avoiding me.

Which is fine and everything. I don’t understand what’s really going on. But I haven’t been the same since you’ve mentioned everything. I’d like to believe I’m overreacting, but really, I did suppress the entire ordeal.

I didn’t want to remember it. I didn’t want to think of it. I can’t believe it took you this long to properly apologize to me, saying that things could had been different.

No, they couldn’t have.

Because what you did changed me. The only reason you take things back is because of the change you’ve inflicted upon me. And maybe I grew to be a better person because of what hell you’ve put me through. And maybe now you’ve realized this.

But really, nothing would had happened back then.

Because we were both too different. The shit that you gave to me killed me that year and the following year. I found it hard to forgive you, but I decided since you were putting the effort to befriend me again, that I should return the favor.

That was a lot of shit I had to put in the back burner.

That was a lot of shit that I had to pretend never happened.

You never gave a decent apology until just a few days ago.

It shocked me.

Not in a good and happy way. It gave me a mental breakdown.

Maybe there are some things better left unsaid. In order for me to respect you and continue to be your friend, I can’t think of the past. Although it made me realize that I was in denial for awhile, it was probably better for our friendship.

Now, I just feel inanimate. I feel slightly hurt, but I’ve decided (once again) to just forget it all. But now that I feel that you’re avoiding me, I just think it’s a pity.

I would vent about it, but I don’t feel like it’s worth the time.

Just come back when you think I’m worth your time again.

Back in the days (I’m still too young to use this), I was a “layout designer” on Xanga. I was pretty popular (though my HTML and CSS was beyond unprofessional. They were so bad). I had a great group of followers, over 1000 subscribers — but my personal life and laziness killed my drive.

Not to mention, people who stole my layouts multiples of times (This one chick who went by Sakura Himeno or Scarlett. Yes, I will never forget you because you were the most arrogant thief I’ve ever known) . Those were the good times (not the theft part). I even continued the whole charade with Myspace layouts. But alas, people just do not amuse me that much especially when questions would fly and Myspace was just downright horrible since everyone’s there for their selfish reasons. Somehow, I miss Xanga.

So there’s probably this chick everyone knows online named “Michelle Phan”.

I knew this girl since 2004.

Not that I personally knew her or have physically met her.

I followed Michelle on Xanga since 2004. I was actually a fan of her. Not because of her whole make-up bullshit, but because of her artwork.

You see, before she got sucked into the world of commercial success and becoming a representative of a large corporation, she was just a normal teenager. She regularly blogged with pictures of her WIP (work in progress). She was an artist. She painted with Photoshop. Once in a while, she’d talk about video games. I always thought she was really cool because you know — I am ALSO OBSESSED with video games (in an extremely unhealthy manner), and I also loved art! I thought she was amazing.

She was better than I was. She really knew how to paint and her paintings were so lifelike! Not only that, she was pretty cute and was a gamer as well. Basically, an upgraded version of me. I loved reading her blogs about what games she’d played and she basically inspired me. I used to think how amazing it was that she could paint with Photoshop and how I’d KILL just to reach to the level she’s at. It seemed impossible to me at the time.

Unfortunately, several years later (around 2006 - 2007, I believe), she started to blog a lot about make-up. So I was like “Okay, that’s fine. At least she still games and draws a bit.”

She made LOTS of videos for her Xanga followers to describe her techniques in applying/using make-up. Her original tutorials were all text and photo based. But after awhile, the demands for videos sky-rocketed so she complied.

The rest is history. Within a year or so, she became super popular and I was a bit proud of her. After all, I’ve followed her since 2004ish. And then she got the deal with Lancome. Okay, I was still proud of her, since she seems to be doing well.

But then, these rumors start to spread and when I inspect on these rumors, they appear to be quite true. Maybe Michelle Phan was never quite the gamer I thought she’d to be (and I thought you were cool since you liked Metal Gear Solid too….). And maybe she did reference the shit out of her artwork. And maybe she’s arrogant, blind-sighted by her egocentric life. And maybe she’s just out there for the moola.

What a pity.

So you’re probably wondering, “You’re lying, you never mentioned Michelle Phan evar.” Well, I never saw a reason to. She was just a Xanga user I followed (but didn’t subscribe), like Cakalusa if you know who he is (also a friend of Michelle).

In a way, RiceBunny was an inspiration to me, but at the same time, I realized I had no reason to admire her.

She is not really a current gen gamer (I believe she is a gamer of a past since the blogs I’ve read back then seemed to indicate she at least played Playstation 2 games). She lies a lot and really, her traced/heavily referenced artwork aren’t that great afterall.

In fact, since I’ve admired her at the age of 11 —- I’ve actually surpassed her artistic skills when it comes to digital painting. Looking back at her artwork, I can’t believe I actually thought they were good. Realizing this, I also realized that I’ve grown a lot as an artist. I used to admire her, but now I think her art is terrible. Not to mention the fact that she photo-manipulates and traces her artwork…

And perhaps I’ve grown more mature than her and surpassed her in the qualities I’ve used to admire. Sure, I’m not as “pretty” as her, but my artwork is better and I don’t throw my “gamer” side around everywhere. I actually no longer give a shit to mention to people that I play games. Nearly every girl does and we get bullshit for even mentioning it due to girls destroying the legitimacy of females actually gaming.

You know, and not the dumb tard girls who likes Nintendo over the 360 solely because it’s vintage and old school. Or the girls who get mad over this fact and try to prove themselves as being hardcore chick gamers. Or people who get offended by anything of the above. It’s really dumb. But that’s another rant. :]

So while I’ve stopped caring about the whole gaming fad, RiceBunny still runs around saying she’s a gaming girl despite having only a couple of trophies on Ps3. (Mind you, trophies can be obtained by literally opening a game and doing something so simple that a five-year-old can do it). Then say Assassin’s Creed sucks and that Halo Reach is new. (Oh really? Halo has been ever the same — always around since Cloud knows when.) Then let her then boyfriend pose as her during a MW2 (or was it Black Ops?) competition. 

You know, I’m pretty sure she just reads up GameTrailers or gaming sites for info. about games. Assassin’s Creed isn’t all about pick-pocketing people like in Grand Theft Auto as she’ve claimed. Hell, what the fuck? Grand Theft Auto barely has anything to do with pick-pocketing. Can you even pick-pocket in Grand Theft Auto save the main or side missions? I don’t think so. Correct me if I’m wrong but based on what I’ve played on Grand Theft Auto IV, there is killing, car jacking, dressing up, calling up your taxi, calling up your cousin, calling up your hooker girlfriend etc. But you can’t really pick-pocket people. Assassin’s Creed is about assassinating targets as addressed by specific people (or killing pickpockets/thugs and crouching on really high places before plunging into a haystack.) Sure, you can pickpocket for knives, weapons, dustbunnies, and lint…. but really, Michelle… Do you even play either of those games?  Reading that from her made my nostalgic self sob. And I used to trust her gaming intuitions — she seems like she knows nothing. I suppose it’s for the attention. Just as the inconsistent claims she made.

It’s a shame, really.

But you know, not much could be helped. She was just the most successful Xangan I’ve ever seen. Who I kinda grew up with in the interwebs… then steadily watched her declined into something else. The fact that she bullshitted the artwork really made me sad. Especially since I used to admire her so much (along with Yumix from DeviantArt.). But alas, Michelle Phan just manipulates photos and paint over pictures. I don’t see why people call her amazing. I’m not jealous at all — I just think it’s pitiful that she lies about her media and technique; that she settles on hard-to-use media so people can praise her for being amazing at something so difficult.

And to say, I actually just found out today from reading her older blogs that she wanted to be a concept designer like me.

I wonder what fame did to her.

Of course, as inspired by Reddit again (or something like that).

The Left and Right brain thing ~ not a good thing to rely on.

You’ve probably heard it before: ‘Left brained people’ are logical, mathematical and ‘right brained people’ are creative and touchy-feely.

Also, introverted people would rather be loners and extroverted people are outgoing.

I apologize if it’s an opinion, but both are wrong.

I’ve done my research and fair share of reading articles and also base from personal experience to say the definitions of those words. What irks me is when people use the terms incorrectly or say “Oh, she’s quiet! She must be introverted!” or “Oh! She’s creative and emotional, her right hemisphere must dominate her left!”

Or something silly like that.

Introversion does not mean a person prefer to be alone and does not mean a person is shy. Introversion means a person gains energy through means of relaxing/resting. For example, an introverted person gains energy by being alone and depletes energy by spending it on activities or hanging out with people. These are the people who can get tired after being a group of crowds for a long time. These are the people who uses alone time to gain energy. This does not mean that introverted people are shy or prefer being alone. To gain energy, they PREFER to rest and relax (alone).

the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life

Extroversion does not mean a person is excitable, sociable, or full of adrenaline. Extroversion means a person gains energy through activities/stimulus. For example, an extroverted person gains energy by spending time with friends or traveling/competing in sports. They deplete energy when they are resting. These are the people who can feel bored or tired when alone, and when they spend time with people they are more upbeat.

the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self

An outgoing person can be introverted. Though, oftentimes outgoing people are associated with being extroverted but it is not necessarily true.

Personally, I’m introverted but I am on the extreme end of it, so it’s easy to see that in me.

Left Brain VS. Right Brain

I do not have much research on this, so this mostly focuses on my experience. What bothers me is the quick assumption. Having the “left brain dominant” does not mean that a person is extremely logical, a mathematician, and a linguist (objective). Having the “right brain dominant” does not mean a person is extremely creative, sensitive, and thoughtful (subjective).

It does not mean a left brained person is more likely to succeed in accounting or physics and a right brained person is more likely to be an artist or musician. Personally, I see it more as — how we view the world and how we analyze what is around us. A right-brain dominant person would likely see the detail and think of the underlying meaning behind something. They are likely to be flexible with thinking and think abstractly. A left-brain dominant person would likely intake information as if they were in charts and tables — categorized and very solid; factual. They are likely to be very focused with thinking and think rationally.

I know I didn’t really put it well— but I think the whole “right brain” “left brain” thing does not determine our skills and likelihood to excel at an attribute but how we intake information, dissect them, and perceive them.

With that said, people (even teachers) since grade school had assumed since I was creative that I was right-brained dominant. That since I am an artist, I must view the world abstractly, am flexible, and see the world in blue and velvet. Or something “artsy” like that. That I love fantasy — creative thinking and that I must not care too much about logic and knowledge.

When we used to talk about this brain hemisphere theory/idea, I was always subjected as an example of right-brained. Students would assume that and teachers would assume that (in classes where I’m known as ‘the artist’).

But in reality, I am EXTREMELY EXTREMELY left-brain dominant if such a theory is true. Every test I’ve taken and every non-generalized description I’ve read only reinforces this. Despite so, I am still able to be creative.

That’s why I think that the whole generalized ‘brain dominant’ crap is overdone and stereotyped. There are many right-brained mathematicians and scientists. It doesn’t matter which brain we use to intake information (or ‘use more’ as they’d say). The whole theory is not about which side of the brain defines us— rather — how we define things with which side of the brain. How we categorize, perceive, and the process we used.

So an artist is not necessarily right brained. A physicist is not necessarily left brain.

They’re just silly generalizations people often believe is true.

Just like how everyone uses 10% of their brains (or some other odd variation). This is so false, I want to smack someone.

And I hate it when it’s used in a concept for a new movie.

I also think it was mentioned in Inception.

Pity.

To simply fuck up your day.

And today, I’ve realized I suppressed a lot of shit. A lot more than I thought.

And it’s not really just about the past. But current feelings too.

Now you’re just fucking with me.

So long for the “happy” blog.

Was awesome.

Got let out early from my dumb English class because teacher didn’t feel well. She refused to teach and let us go.

ORLY?

Gahh dinner with Brennan was awesome. And I thought it was cool when he said he wasn’t fond of big groups of hanging out. I was like “OMG ME TOO. D:”. Because I’m a hermit when it comes to that and I only know two other people who feels the same. I’m gonna miss him. :[ The food was awesome. Gonna eat some tomorrow from the left overs. :3 Haven’t laughed a lot for quite awhile because of everyone who was there. It’s great to hang out with other people once in awhile. Not that Hunter is boring or anything — but it makes me feel more productive that I’m spending time associating with various people.

Also, found a bunch of awesome quality acrylic paint/watercolor paper. I don’t even use them, but I got so excited. I found it at a thrift store for $4. I freaked out. XDDD Gonna use color pencils on them because they work well too. :D Just not pencil. x_x

Was gonna do something very stupid today and decided against it. Gonna do it later. ;]

I was caught singing to a hard rock song on the way back from school by one of my classmates who asked me out on Valentine’s Day (which I awkwardedly rejected….). I was driving and head banging and his car was right beside mines.

Smooth.

Heard Everlong on the way to school on a radio station I NEVER listen to. I literally gasped. Really, I was like “OH SNAP”. That made my day too. :]

Because of everyone’s encouragements today, I will continue to work hard on my artwork. ^________^

TODAY WAS AWESOMEE!!!

So happy! ♥♥♥

Will be filled with sorting out family problems, flipped schedules, and meeting an old friend.

Sorta old friend. If Brennan counts as an old friend. I’m kinda excited. I haven’t seen him awhile and he helped me a lot in Senior year in which I didn’t speak much to Hunter and was all distracted by my ex. But Brennan still occasionally contacts me via text messages. He never really says much but lately he’s been more open about himself (otherwise, I know nearly nothing of him). Anyhow, I hope it’ll go well. :]

I have only two things to do tomorrow: school and work. Working seven hours straight as a waitress.

“Hello! How are you doing?” “Hold on tight, it will take a couple of minutes.” “Is everything going well?” “Have a wonderful evening!!!” “Take care!!!”

Needless to say, my job is quite painful. I’m totally out of character there.

I can assume it’s just my nice side seeping out during these nonchalant greetings. It doesn’t help that I hear that other customers compliment about me saying how cute and how “beautiful” I am when I’m not there. Makes me cringe. Who are those people who would say such things to other waiters? And that John dude.

He’s a creeper. Thank god he hadn’t been here for awhile.

Also, rant — English teacher. Fucking — grade my paper. I wrote a five page essay. We were supposed to have a one-on-one talk about it. That’s what she told the class. All she did was tell me that it was great and that I have some problems with verb agreement.

Then, she proceeded to flip through my essays which was ENTIRELY unmarked. She couldn’t find the fucking errors since she probably read it once and didn’t bother to help my grammar by placing marks. She dismisses it and says, “Yeah… well, there are some in here. So if you fix them and the commas, you’ll be good.”

Wow.

Thanks for… not really revising my essay at all, professor. What makes it worse is that you revised it during class time and kept us busy with bullshit work. Bullshit work as in “Why the fuck am I doing this? This has no relevance with English.” So basically, I got my essay back with a note or two stating that it’s good and I need to fix some verbs. I’ve read my essays plenty of times and I think it’s perfect. Clearly, I don’t understand what’s wrong with the verbs so an indication of what she’s talking about would be nice. She didn’t even bother to show me what she was talking about. Really? Verb disagreement? You know, it’s been two weeks overdue by your schedule but you keep delaying every assignment.

I wrote a four page essay yesterday. You didn’t even pick it up today because “We didn’t get to it.” Fucking — assignments are due regardless of the amount of time we have left in class. Assignments are due at the beginning of the class — and you grade it on your OWN spare time. I can’t believe our essays will be graded DURING class.

My patience is thinning out.

I’m tired of my assignments being delayed. I’m tired of hearing “We’re going to do blah blah today!” and even though we have fifteen minutes left in class, we are dismissed saying we’ll do it next time.

What is this?

As if I wasn’t irresponsible and unorganized enough…

Well if it makes anything better, my hermit shitty feeling is gone. :]

And!!!!! I love myself again. No more shitty feeling. No longer caring! I just want to go get some ice cream or yogurt sometime soon. ^____^ ♥

EDITTT:::

OMG How could I forget? Remember when I mentioned that someone had a surprise for me? No duh it was Hunter, but he got me a keychain of Cloud’s sword! It’s not official, but I was like OMG CLOUD DO WANT. Ahhhhh It’s awesome. :3

Where you totally don’t like someone and kick their ass ruthlessly in a dream.

Priceless.

These things came in yesterday + today.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m spending all of my spending money (usually used for fast food and clothes) on Final Fantasy stuff. So no worries, I still have my usual money saved up. ^__^

So here are essentially five different items:

1. Kadaj, Tifa, Yazoo, and Loz official Square-Enix key-chains. I’ve got a set of bootlegged ones due to the bootlegger using false images so these are to replace it. Except, I need a Cloud one to complete the set. :[ $9
2. Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children extra disc SEALED. It came with the pre-order from Gamestop. I never pre-ordered the game, so this is to make up for it. $4
3. Final Fantasy XIII: Collector’s Edition Guide. I don’t even have the game. It is still sealed and I don’t intend on opening it until I have the actual game. $13
4. Final Fantasy VII Artbook. Comes with Obi (as seen). It doesn’t have much of Yoshitaka Amano’s artwork, but it’s still alright. Still includes poster of Cloud. :3 $17
5. Final Fantasy 1987- 1994 Soundtrack first press. I listened to it. It’s mehh; I still prefer Grand Finale. :3 $10

Scrahhhhh!

Nothing happening today. Feeling lazy. :[

My whole closet is filled with Grey and Black-ness.

And under-saturated colors. In other words, they are mostly grey. And I can’t help it but to find grey to be a beautiful color. So when I’m shopping, if I see something’s grey, I can’t help but to take a look at it.

It’s only until I walk to the dressing room in which I realize that the bundle of clothes I’ve had to try out were all grey.

And it’s not because “grey is in”. It’s because it’s probably my second favorite color after white + pink (tied).

In other news, I’ve been playing Patapon a lot lately since I got my PSP back alive. That game is so addicting. Really? 46 hours? On a PSP RHYTHM game? That’s insane. I’ve never spent that much on a game that’s non-RPG (aside from Crash Team Racing but those were the days.)

In other news — ones that people don’t care — I’ve been jamming out to Breaking Benjamin a lot these days. It gets my angsty-self out. And I always attempt to rap Eminem’s part in “Love The Way You Lie”. I have about two complete verses down and I’m proud I can keep up with the rapping. @______@ It makes me feel badass and probably retarded.

Because perhaps I am.

Welps, work time. Tip money here I come!!!!!! ♥

I would post something cool but I’m just too tired.

This Saturday might be fun; depends on the weather. But apparently he has a surprise for me too.

I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s Pokemon related.

But if it’s Cloud related I’d nerd.

Big time.

And so I’ve been sitting here thinking. Had an emotional breakdown momentarily yesterday. While I was working, I had this sudden urge to break out crying. I felt like shit. It was one of those moments where you always knew something in the back of your head and you never let it bother you. But suddenly for one split second, it did.

So more self-reflection came around. I’ve been analytical; no longer as happy.

Just in a “I need some space” mood.

Bleh.

I just wanted to let you know.

To not take everything to heart. :]

Because the things I write; the things I type.

Are subtle and not meant to be taken literally.

Not meant to be understood by others.

Because I vent about people I no longer speak to.

Even if I use phrases that are present tense.

So cheer up.

Calm down.

It’s more of an emotional blog rather than a literal; whenever I ramble about my mind.

So I’m here to say — that if you’ve been reading my tumblr.

And for some reason you think I’m fucking with you.

Unless your name is Vinh, a bunch of my douchebag childhood-middle school friends, someone who I have always avoided, or those fucktards who’ve stolen my layouts in the past — it really isn’t about you.

Or you’re that one guy John that harasses me at work. I fucking hate you.

Just in case.

Because I have this feeling that you read my tumblr.

Despite knowing so, I post as I will.

Thank you, beautiful. ♥

What is this? My PSP battery came?! What is this?! 2200 mAh SONY battery? Not a Hong Kong bootlegged battery?

AWESOME! $28 well spent and ripped off! :D

Unfortunately! I don’t have my battery charger with me. :[ Next goal is to purchase a contraption sort of thingy that can act as a Pro Duo Memory Stick but instead you put Micro SD cards in it. So I can get 32 GB of memory and put a bunch of NES, SNES, GBA, PSX, and N64 games in my PSP. :D

I’m so excited!!!!!!!

Also, I’ve won another auction for a Final Fantasy 1987 - 1994 CD original version. I think it’s called the S generation in America, but I’m getting the Japanese version. And! It has Rydia’s Theme. Which is ANOTHER amazing theme from Final Fantasy (but Terra’s the most amazing).

So for some reason, I’ve bumped into all of these things that reminds me of my gaming life and I was about to blog about it yesterday but decided against it. So today, I’m going to just unload it all. (LOL?)

http://thebrigade.com/2010/12/20/so-ya-think-your-call-of-duty-game-is-intense-heres-the-real-thing-video/

Above video is the U.S. army getting “ambushed” but in a sorta FPS perspective. I know it’s not appropriate to joke about these videos, but a few things in it are interesting. Such as…

• Bees. I’ve never ran across bees in CoD series. (Bioshock anyone?) And it’s ridiculous that I’m comparing a silly inaccurate game to reality. But seriously, I’ve never thought bees would be a problem until that one soldier was screaming about the fucking bees.
• Most bullets won’t hit anyone. <____< Which makes sense because there’s no aim-assist and aiming is so much harder in RL.
• Fucking trees. Any FPS gamer can agree with this. Trees are bitches in the battlefield.
• I’ve already known this, but guns do not shoot 1000000 bullets before reloading. Usually a gun would only shoot a few seconds consecutively before reloading.
• Apparently, it’s okay to shoot in the open. Some poster on Reddit said that in reality, people who are in cover will take a while to take aim at you even if you’re out in the open. However, if you’re already in the open, it’s easier to take aim at people taking cover. But still, the guy who was shooting the video should had been more careful.
• I’m aware I’m doing silly comparisons. I’m just kidding around mostly.

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2011-02-14-report-ea-rejects-mirrors-edge-2-pitch

The fuck is this? EA currently rejects Mirror’s Edge sequel to concentrate on other… mainstream popular games. Of course, they’re still considering it, but their reason for rejecting right now is because Mirror’s Edge didn’t sell enough. What?

And! Portal 2 is out for pre-order. :] With a PS3 Portal 2 purchase, you’ll also get a copy for Steam. Which doesn’t matter to me because even if I get it on my Steam account, my computer is far too crappy to even run it. I can’t even run the Penumbra game I bought. FML.

The Chocobo theme had appeared in the new Mario sports game. Moogles make an appearance too. Thank you, sell-out Square-Enix.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXk5U-1z_Gc&feature=player_embedded

LittleBigPlanet 2 Inception Trailer. :3 Mind Heist is epic. As epic as “Access the Animus” from Assassin’s Creed. Had you ever listened to that song while walking around campus? You’d feel like jumping around and killing people. 

And that is all for my random blog. ♥

I’ve finally bought a new PSP battery and it should be coming in tomorrowwwwwww.

So I won’t feel alone (LOL what?). Actually, most of my Valentine’s day had been shitty. Including that one time I was rejected. But let’s not get into that. So really, I stopped caring.

But fuuuuuu now I need a PSP battery charger so I just ordered one because some idiot on ebay couldn’t get it through and refunded me. >;[

Wahhh I’m kinda excited. ^___^ ♥

Today was a hard day’s work (I worked all day like every Sunday), and although I felt shitty at first, by the end of the day I felt better. So you can say I’m happier now. I’ve gotten my homework done and math is actually quite fun. That is, basic High School algebra (which I’ve failed when I took the test in college). I dunno, something about math — how it’s so systematic and absolute that makes it cool.

But no, really I loathe it. I only enjoy it when I’m stuck on a problem and finally get the right answer.

Achievement unlocked? :D

Intuitions.

Are they ever a good thing?

I think I have a high intuition who oftentimes get monitored by my senses. I make assumptions, but I don’t necessarily act upon them. It’s not really the nicest thing but I’ve had my intuitions backfired against me before. Hence, I don’t trust them. I know they’re there though.

Because of these things (it’s so early in the morning so I might not be coherent), I try to live life without regrets. As much as it is a cliched notion, my decision is not because of pride. It is because I think life is far too often misunderstood. And by ‘life’, I am not talking about the driving force/nature/God/what you will. I mean the people in them. (Even though I usually use ‘life’ as what was noted in the above.)

We often misunderstand. We often judge. We often question.

And we each react differently. So there’s no telling if what one had done is really as bad as we deem it.

You know what I mean?

Perhaps, it isn’t THAT bad. Perhaps it isn’t THAT way. But we think it is. And if we judge it from the way our emotions responded to an occurence — it is equivalent to reacting from a biased point of view.

It’s always ‘perhaps’. (I use that word too much.)

So if intuitions is what drives one’s decisions, its accuracy is never essentially better than withdrawing information through our senses. Hence, I do not commit to things through my intuitions. I may voice it, but I am not afraid to reverse my conclusions and admit defeat.

~

Everything is just grey.

What we know effects us. But can we really blame? When the information is sought out and we develop a conclusion based on intuition…?

When the reality might be different.

It’s something to think about if you will yourself to.

In honesty, the world is just grey to me. Everything is more similar than different. We make different judgments based on similar schematics of interpretation. A part of our pride don’t want to understand it through other’s perception, but to develop our own opinions.

At least, that is how it is in America where individuality is highly marketed.

So I don’t mind the misunderstanding. And I don’t mind whatever that is felt. Because it could be temporary; it could be permanent. I wouldn’t know.And at the moment, it doesn’t hurt because I am content.

That is all. :]

Dammit, I’ve just bought the Final Fantasy XIII Collector’s Edition guide, knowing that the price will eventually go up because it’s limited to 100,000 quantities.

I haven’t even made any plans to purchase Final Fantasy XIII. FML. I heard it’s too linear and suck. I guess I’ll just have the guide sitting around. Well, I got it for 13 dollars so I thought it was worth it? o.O

But speaking of Ebay, I thought I’d help those who struggles with the auction part of it. (Nicole! ♥)

The trick is to open up various of tabs with different increments of bid during the final few minutes. When an auction is about to end, open up many tabs and put the amount of money you’d want to bid and separate each tab with the difference of about a dollar. In extreme cases, I’ll have the last few tabs with a huge jump on the increments.

For instance, I’m bidding on something and I’m willing to put up to $9.00 to buy that item before I give up. The item bid starts at $2.00.

So I would open up another tab, copy the link, and type in $3.00. Click “Place Bid”. You’ll come up to the confirm page. Leave that page alone. Open up another tab, and type in $4.00. Click “Place Bid” and the confirmation page will pop up. You then move onto the next tab. And you’ll do that until you reach the max amount you’re willing to pay which is $9.00 in this case (and seven tabs).

The key is to keep the original page up with no bid. Refresh the page if needed just in case if the countdown timing is off. Most often times or not, people will rage bid at the last minute. But don’t panic. I usually start bidding at around the 35 second mark.

If you refresh or see someone bid a number, jump to the tab with the higher bid and click confirm. (it’s important that your browser is neat and you only have those tabs opened CONSECUTIVELY; so don’t have other tabs open if it’ll confuse you).

If you’ve been beaten and you think you’re quick enough… wait until there’s about FIVE or TEN seconds left. Ten to be safe, just in case your browser lags. On your final bid, it is best not to bid just a dollar higher than the current winning bid. Bid about $2 - $4 higher (and in cases where you’re buying an expensive item, about $5 - $10. OR if you really want the item.). You should do this because there’s a very high chance that someone will jump in at the last second and beat the current winning bid by a $0.50 - $2 margin.

But because you’ve bid more than a dollar higher than the last bid, he’d be outbid by you at the last second. So you don’t need to be quick or speedy— you just need to outsmart what most people do. They’re usually cheapskates and would like to win the auction with a mere $0.50 - $2.00 higher than the previous bidder. But if you think outside of the box, and bid a bit more higher at the last moment, you’re likely to win the auction. In the end you’re still likely to have gotten a good deal at the auction regardless of the fact that you bid extra high in the end. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

There are a few instances in the past, where I would bid $.50 higher than the last bidder, but I was beaten because someone else bid $1.00 at almost exactly the same time as me. I lost because it was within the last five seconds.

If I had only bid $1.50 — I would had won. Because I would have either beaten his bid, or he wouldn’t had been able to outbid me.

:D

It’s sad. It’s cheap. It makes you feel dirty. But it’s how things work.

I’d recommend that you should start bidding at around 35 seconds because sometimes, someone had already made a very high bid but the auction only shows the “current bid”. For instance, someone may had put $6.00 in, but because of the way the auction functions, it’ll show up at $0.99. It’s best to test the waters within the last minutes. Because when you try to bid a $1.00, it’ll say you’ve been outbidded. In actuality, it’s because the previous bidder had already set a high “reserve” bid. In this case, you would have to speed through your tabs and click confirm until you’ve beaten his price.

OR!

You may go to your last tab and click confirm. When you do that, the current bid will likely jump to $0.50 - $1.00 higher than the previous bidder. Even if your last bid was way higher (let’s say $13.00), it’ll show up as $6.50. In order for anyone to beat your bid, they must bid higher than $13.00. If you DO win the auction, you’ll only have to pay about $0.50 - $1.00 higher than the previous bidder though ($6.50 in this case).

You’d always want to check to see if the current bid is the ACTUAL amount someone had bid. That’s why you should always make the first bid before 30 seconds.

***Remember that typing in the bid on the original page and clicking “Place Bid” will only prompt a confirmation page. So technically, you have to get through two pages in order to actually bid. However, if you open tabs in advance, it is way faster since you would only have to click once to bid. So be sure to not stop after you’ve typed in the bids—- but after you reach the confirmation page. This is VERY important to winning auctions because I would assume other people would do the same and it’s very speedy.

Welp, that’s it. Good luck! LOL

I’m hoping that maybe sometime soon, I can just escape and stumble around until I’m in the middle of a city. Would escaping to downtown Dallas be fun? I’m not really sure.

As people had promised before, Let’s hang out someday where we can just run around in the city. Of course, that hadn’t happened. And so I’ve waited, very patiently. I’ve tried to make sense of things, excuse those who had just flat-out insisted upon happy little promises, and had tried to be nice.

Sure, this is a time in my life where I’m only beginning to understand who’s really who. Which is strange, as most individuals discover such differentiations during high school. But no, I am just too late.

And so, if I must say, it’s very disappointing how things tend to end. How after a breakup, one would realize who was really there or not. Maybe I was portrayed as the evil conniving bitch? Is that even a valid grammatical sentence? No. My point is, even if I wasn’t, who would know?

These people I used to talk to… they’ve vanished. It’s not because we’ve went separate ways due to college (although that does contribute to it), but because I am looked down upon. Or so I think. I would imagine it’s not paranoia.

You know I’m a person. I have feelings, I have thoughts, and I am not as kind or dumb as I may seem. I like being pleasant when I choose to be because I believe certain people deserve my kindness. But when that kindness is tossed around and misused, you’ve just made yourself my enemy. I share my knowledge and my humor because I think knowledge is very valuable… ~the more you know.

It’s not that I want to be wise-ass, ignorant, self-centered, or egoistical. I don’t want to be depended upon when it comes to intelligence. Learn for yourself, for goodness’ sake.

Really, I have nothing to prove of myself.

…Other than I am who I am.

I am just me; subjectively and objectively.

I don’t have those labels. I don’t know any scene. I am not too tough and I don’t try to be. I don’t care for hotness. I don’t think I care enough.

And really, it’s no longer about being honest, open-minded, intelligent, understanding etc. Really, I think all that matters is acceptance. That you accept yourself, that you accept other people; truly. No matter the circumstances.

And this may be out of the blue, but really — fuck you. Maybe I’ve spent too much time around the one person who had opened my mind and reminded me how to be nice. Maybe I’ve spent too much time with the person who actually gives a shit as he’ve said.

But you, really — you — I regress. Entirely. I was wrong.

So I know somewhere behind their minds, they think I’m an awkward, cocky, and an avoiding person. Someone who doesn’t initiate. Thank your friends for judging me. And thank you for hopping around the fence on whether I’m a monster or a human.

Maybe he was right… you are stubborn. Intelligent with the belief that you’re open-minded but perhaps you’re the opposite. Not that I oppose narrow-minded people. I’m just not too fond of hypocrisy. The ‘irony’ in your life is not humorous. It’s just proof that you’re self-conscious about your own hypocrisy. Instead of approaching it in a theoretical way, you’re approaching it as if recognizing the issue excuses the issue.

Which it certainly doesn’t. Because I used to do the same exact thing. I felt better when I knew what was wrong and what I was doing was wrong. But instead of bettering myself, I chose to announce it to the whole world “Hey, I know this is what’s wrong with me, so give me a break.” Life just doesn’t work that way.

Passiveness I swear.

As if I wasn’t passive enough —

If something’s wrong, confront it. Deal with it. Don’t put it aside. Don’t run away. Get the fuck over there and do as you will. Just because you know your flaws doesn’t make you any better.

That’s only the first step.

Where are the other steps?

Really, I give up. I’m just going to tread on in my life and pretend the entire incident never happened. Because really, my patience is thinning. In fact, it’s gone.

Keep the friendly greetings and don’t even bother approaching me.

Even though we’re one the same.

It’s just not going to work.

I find it sad when someone I had once admired turned out to be quite something else.

Lost respect? Perhaps.

But that is also because I’ve changed quite a bit for the past year. I stopped valuing knowledge as much as I used to and realized I’m better off with others who can teach me how to get in touch with my open, emotional side. Whatever. :]

I don’t care for originality anymore. How one person can seem so much smarter and different from other people— because the truth is, most of those people are different because they subconsciously try to. But really, I think my Logics class had really overkilled my perception of the world.

And alas, I don’t have anyone to admire anymore aside from the pretty people such as Olivia Lufkin (she’s gorgeous), and Leonardo DiCaprio.

He’s the shit.

Anyhow, one of my Final Fantasy CDs had arrived today: Grand Finale from Final Fantasy VI. It’s a first print. ♥ I love the Opening Theme AKA Terra’s Theme. <_<

Teehee! ♥♥♥

A person who snub others for being narrow-minded is narrow-minded himself.

Open-mindedness has almost everything to do with acceptance and little to do with agreeableness.

Narrow-mindedness has everything to do with perception and judgment.

When you judge a person because they are narrow-minded — what is the reason for that?

Are you offended that the person is narrow-minded?

Does, for some reason, narrow-mindedness bothers you to the point that you find it hard to accept it? Why is that? Why are you bothered that people have differing opinions, albeit polar opposites? Why do you dislike people who doesn’t know much of the world, who supports something you deem is wrong?

Because part of your subconscious is offended, am I wrong? Because you don’t want to associate with those who you believe are disagreeable.

Wouldn’t that make you narrow-minded for not being open?

So before you should let your opinions get in the way of accepting others, why don’t you judge yourself.

So for those who are crude, opinionated, and supposedly impartial, stop putting yourself on such a high pedastal.

Thank you.

Questions away; if you feel like it. I’ve enabled the ask link. Kinda like a Formspring I guess. :< But I know not many people watch me, so I might get nothing. Forever alone?

I’ve been playing Resonance of Fate lately. :] Such a fun RPG. :D

But god, today was terrible. For some odd reason, I decided not to bring my black binder to school today. You know, the binder with EVERYTHING in it? So I had to rush back home during the ten minute break between my first class and the next. (The teacher wouldn’t allow us to leave, but I got permission from her to leave about fifteen minutes early). It was terrible.

Either way, I got to my second class twenty minutes late, had to revise two college student papers. I’m not sure if I’m that great with grammar (I’m sure I’m not, I’m very technical about it, but I’m not the greatest author.), but people suck at writing papers. I almost rage quit. There was so many missing commas, spelling error, grammatical error — geez, where the hell is everyone’s English?

Either way, I arrived back at home, decided to chip out $28 for a PSP battery because mine’s been dead for a long time. :< This one is supposed to have double the amount of life (HP x 2 = Max HP???).

I road raged today too. I hate people that don’t signal.

Anyhow, I won’t touch my debit card for awhile. I’ve been spending too much. :[

Gotta save my money for food college.

Another dream blog (I know, who the hell cares?).

Had another depressing dream last night, where I saw the person I am apparently infatuated with. (It seems that in my dreams, I’m constantly obsessed with him but in reality I’m just like ‘meh’.) So I was at this university-looking school. I sought for him most of the time in-between classes and even during classes.

I remember talking to him a few times, and I felt that whole cliched “butterflies in stomach feeling”. Eventually, I realized there was incredibly rude girl who didn’t want us to be together. I have never seen her in my life. Anyway, she was sorta stalking us. I then heard a rumor going on from people around me that he was going to propose to his girlfriend. I realized that she was giving me glares because she knew I liked him when he was about to propose to his girlfriend. He didn’t want me to confess.

This made me feel miserable. I was devastated. Especially since he’d always told me that we had a chance and “maybe in the future” something will happen. So I ran all around the school to look for him.

It was epic, I tell you. LMFAO

I came across a bunch of staircase in an open area where you can see the many floors of the buildings. I stopped and looked up. He was one floor above me. I screamed for his name and when he saw me, he smiled. (I had that d’awwww moment.) He then proceeded to leap past the railways of the stairway going up and walked down the stairs to greet me. Well, it seemed like he was half-walking and half-running. There were many people around the area, so I only caught a few glimpse of him while he made his way towards me.

I started running. I ran to him and eventually we were faced-to-faced. We didn’t hug (you’d probably think we did since this dream is cliched already). But I started to tear up. I felt an overwhelming wave of emotions as my feelings started to catch up. But I held it back in. I said “Hi” to him and asked how he was. He was like his usual self.

There was a brief moment of silence so I looked up at the floor above me and saw this girl I know. She was with her boyfriend. The “love of my life” besides me saw the people I was looking at and told me they looked cute together. I agreed; I waved to get her attention and chuckled while I told her that she and her boyfriend looked cute together. They blushed. But as I said those words, I only thought of my situation; how saddened I was that the “love of my life” was going to be gone.

I turned my attention to him. That was when I slowly started to cry. He seemed indifferent, as if he expected it. I told him that I’ve always liked him. I told him that I was just too sad that I wasn’t given another chance when he said he would.

It was just a sad scene. <_<

Long story short, at the end, he didn’t really give a response. We walked to a more private area where he tried to calm me down.

There was a time skip where my dream jumped to another scene. It was confirmed that he was going to propose to his girlfriend. All of his friend encouraged him and I couldn’t do anything but let it happen. I remember leaving the room along with his friends so he could properly propose to his girlfriend. I was smiling and all, but it was just depressing.

I was hopeless.

<______>

And that’s what would happen if my life was like one of those dramas. :<

The end.

When I go into forums and read a funny post, I upvote.

…Except I can’t.

Because then I remember you can only upvote on Reddit.

WHY AREN’T THERE UPVOTES IN ALL FORUMS?! D:<

Today, I woke up extra early. I waited for my parents to leave for work… which was later than usual. I only had an hour left to make a run for it.

Last night, I found out that the books I’ve ordered: Korean Illustration and Final Fantasy VII: Reunion Files had been delivered to my home but I wasn’t there to sign it. So it was returned to the post office. I never found the pink slip so I never knew until I contacted the seller online. I found out that after fifteen days, the parcel will return to the seller. Today was my forteenth day.

Tomorrow the Post Office is closed.

I found out it’s only opened from 9 A.M - 12 P.M. today. My parents leave for work at 9 usually but today they are driving my brother to work too due to their fright that the snow would make the roads slippery. They left a 11.

After they left, I frantically got dressed, brushed my teeth, and flew into my SUV. I sped along the snow and it took me ten minutes to get to the post office. There, I waited in line until I could talk to one of the postal workers. I gave him my information. He told me I arrived at the wrong post office. It was another one in Walnut street. He asked me if I knew where it was. I nodded my head and lied.

It was 11:25 A.M. when I got out of the Post Office.

I raced back to my house and google-searched the post office. At the moment I could have only wished that I knew my directions. Unfortunately, I was terrible. After I pulled up the address and printed it out, I hopped into my car and sped away again. By this time, it was 11:40 A.M.

I was driving much faster than most people. I didn’t want my parcel to be shipped back to the seller. Today was my last day. And the Post Office will be closed in twenty minutes. I had almost no idea where I was going. All I had were a few directions.

But alas! I arrived at the Post Office. But NO! I parked at the back of the Post Office by accident. D:< By this time, it was 11:53 A.M. I drove out of the lot and pretty much made a U-turn until I reached the front of the Post Office where customers were supposed to park. I found the nearest space, parked, and jogged into the building. The line was long, and the clock was ticking…

But I made it on time! XDDD I frantically asked for my package and as I left, I could see that the workers there were prepared to close. I looked at my phone and the time read “12:05”. I am AWESOME!

These two books are amazing. They are inspiring. Perfect for any aspiring concept artist. And since I’m just so relieved I’ve managed to pick up my parcel on time, here are the pictures I’ve taken of them…

http://i55.tinypic.com/2u939s0.jpg

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cogito_ergo_sum

Have you ever heard the quote “I think, therefore I am.”?

I used to believe the quote was only somewhat true… that is, until I’ve delved into the mind of a logician’s philosophy.

The only thing we can be certain of, is that we do have a mind. Anything else is only as real as you can perceive it. What is reality? How can we prove that something is real?

Our proofs for the truths in life relies on our five senses: Sight, Smell, Touch, Sound, and Taste. We never truly rely on one simple sense. We always use at least one more of our other senses in order to support our certainty. For instance, usually just seeing a liquid isn’t enough to confirm that a liquid is water. It can be assumed that it is water, but we must rely on at least another sense to further reinforce our hypothesis. For instance, one may touch the liquid. If we touch the liquid and it feels like water — then that further supports our theory that said liquid is water. If we taste the liquid and it tastes just like water — then it is best to assume the matter in question is indeed water.

With this in mind, reality is as real as we know it to be. We always make logical assumptions. Such as: seeing, tasting, and touching a liquid that feels like water is most likely water. But really, what is water? Water is defined by only the limits of our five senses. So when we find another matter that correlates with the same outcome of our five senses, we assume the two matters to be the same thing.

We are completely limited by our senses.

What if… there are two different matters that tastes, feels, looks, smells, and sounds the EXACTLY the same? How would we know? How would we define the two matters? How can we differentiate?

So here comes the quote, “I think, therefore I am.”

The only thing we are for certain in this world, is the existence of our minds. Our senses are not completely reliable. Sure, our senses reinforce one another to help aid our assumptions, but they are not the definite truths to everything. How do you know that you’re reading this computer screen, and that you’re not actually in a coma? You may think, “Well, I’m looking at something that looks like a computer screen, sounds like a computer screen when I tap it, and also feels like a screen.” What if this is just a dream? How would you know…? Perhaps you’re really a terminally ill patient who has the highest degree of hallucinations. Maybe you’re actually laying on a hospital bed dreaming this whole thing up.  

You see, there is no certainty to any of our ‘realities’.

Have you ever sat down and thought to yourself, “Man, wouldn’t this be weird if someday I wake up and find everything I know to be a facade? What if I’m just a puppet that’s being manipulated by some unknown force who is toying with me as a test subject…?”

Let’s make another proposal… what if you don’t exist? What if this is a whole jig and play on everything you’ve ever known in life? What if you’re not actually a person but just a little empty void of matter?

There is only one, and only one thing that you is for certain at this point.

The only thing you know is ‘real’ for sure… is that you have a mind.

If you didn’t have a mind, you wouldn’t be doubting your existence. And if you’re doubting the fact that you have a mind… then you’re undeniably doubting.

…And if you’re doubting, therefore you have a mind.

It sounds silly, but it’s true isn’t it?

That the only thing you know for sure is the fact that you are able to think.

So maybe you don’t exist. Maybe there is no such thing as humans, and maybe what you’re reading right now isn’t really what you’re reading. The only thing left to know, is that at this very moment, you’re thinking.

And if you’re thinking, that only means that there is some truth to the fact that you exist.

If your mind is real — then in at least one aspect, your exist.

Thus I’ve just given a lengthy explanation to the quote:

I think, therefore I am.

The philosopher, René Descartes, believes that as long as you’re able to think, you know that in essence, you exist. There is absolutely nothing to prove otherwise that you don’t have a mind.

That you are. That I am. ♥

I really love pink. Especially this pink you see on my new layout (not created by me of course; too lazy to further learn Tumblr layouts). This pink is frikkin’ purty. Don’t deny it!!! It’s beautiful!

But of course, I had the little graphic design swirly thing from the last layout attached to the bottom of this one. I know it’s pixelated on the sides. I’m also too lazy to clean that out.

Happy New Lunar Year (whatever) BTW!

Hunter dropped by today to give me a “surprise”. Little did I know, he walked over to my house. In freezing temperature. D8 Around 19 degrees. T____T I felt very bad and he was like dying. Not literally. When I opened my door I was like “WTF, I thought you were driving?” He was like “…No.” ;.; *guilt trip*

But he gave me this really cute notecard with a doodle he drew of a Haunter and a Cyndaquil (meant to represent us; in a nerdy Pokemon sense). And then a bunch of smiley faces. It was almost too… childlike?

Then he proceeded to beat me six times at Super Smash Bros. Melee which confirmed the fact that I just suck at Ness and should try harder. :3 If only I had my real main, Lucas. *sigh*

It was a fun day though! ^.^ We had lots of laughs and after he left, my parents came home and prepared 11:00 P.M. dinner for the New Years.

I’ve been mostly working on my Terra artwork. It’ll be amazing if I can make a poster of it in the future. Which reminds me, I was planning to make a binder filled with prints for my portfolio. Not a school portfolio, but just a collection of artwork for myself. But it’s been so cold and freezing that I hadn’t had the chance to leave the house to purchase anything. :[

Yet, it’s still supposed to snow on Friday!

Isn’t that something?

Dear Logicians,

Obviously it would not be logical to have the college open tomorrow…

~My Logics Professor; it was sent two days ago. But when I first read “Dear Logicians” I had a moment where I was like “OMG HAI THAT’S ME!!!”

Then I felt all giddy in the inside. Me? A Logician? I’m flattered. (even if this was mass-forwarded/sent e-mail).

Of course, I’m no logician. At least I don’t think so. I would kill to be one though. :D

People who can’t take criticism pisses me the hell off.

I know that this is overdone and beaten to no end that we almost have a zombie-horse-slave here, but logging onto deviantArt.com sometimes pisses me off.

We have the dumb kids who can’t accept criticism and we have the dumb bitches who thinks criticism is another word for insulting.

I’ve just gotten finished replying to an absolutely condescending comment about:

• Anime is not art.
• You’re wasting your time on anime you’ll realize this later.
• EVERYONE can draw anime.
• It is utterly stupid and cliche, immature, and shit like that.

“You’re completely wrong in thinking not anybody could draw animu. ANYBODY can draw it man. Anybody. You obviously think drawing animu characters takes some kind of skill- no, it takes the ability to copy and draw big saucer eyes and chins that come to a point and no noses. A complete lack of anatomy.
You also need to be less defensive- in complaining about bashing. I am very well known on here for giving harsh advice, like Simon Cowell you could say, if I think something is crap I say so. *But to learn and grow- you need to be able to step back, and consider what you’ve been told and why it might be right even if first impression is to disagree. It would be your first step to breaking out of ANIME which is the most mind-deadening, and worthless style of drawing human beings that I know of. I guarantee after doing so, you’ll never look back.”

Simon Cowell my ass. You’re just a bitch that has a terrible case of generalizing what anime is. I assure you that Hayao Miyazaki’s style is not huge saucer eyes and complete lack of anime. Hell, DEATH NOTE had anatomy.

“I guarantee after doing so, you’ll never look back.”

I’ve been drawing realistically for the past year, and I’d like to say fuck that. I have NEVER regretted drawing anime in my life. People I swear. They think that their opinion is worth so much more just because they’re a voice in the internet.

And then we have the children who says, “Everything you’ve said was useless. You’re just being mean.” when it comes to real criticism. Are you SERIOUS? In cases like these, I would just like be an asshole and crush that little child’s dream by being an outright douchebag.

If a person is not able to take criticism and have poor self-esteem, s/he shouldn’t even bother being an artist. Actually, scratch that— shouldn’t bother being a human being.

People who have no place for improvement, who are stuck in their comfort zones are doing nothing for humanity.

I mean I’m a sensitive person, but if we’re living in a world where criticism is “being mean”, then I give up.

Goddamn rage.